Unlocking Your Confidence is Key to Resilience and Endurance

The Three Cord Braid of Confidence, Resilience and Endurance

As we navigate the complex journey of life, it’s essential to remember that we are stronger than our struggles. Each challenge we face offers an opportunity for growth, resilience, and self-discovery. By embracing our intrinsic value and nurturing our self-confidence, we can cultivate the strength needed to overcome adversity. Together, let’s embark on a journey of empowerment, where we acknowledge our worth, build resilience, and strive for a life filled with purpose and hope.

A couple days ago, I shared on resilience. Maybe I should have shared this first, nevertheless, here goes. One thing that I keep getting from Holy Spirit is the ongoing need for resilience in people’s lives. Resilience is what gives us the ability to endure in the midst of hardship. Resilience empowers us to keep going. The more flexible our resilience the greater our fortitude. The more confidence we have the more empowered we feel.

First and Foremost

As believers, the Bible teaches us that we are immensely valued by God, who created us in His image. In Genesis 1:26-27, it is stated, “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness,’” indicating thatwe humans hold a unique and exalted place in creation. Our intrinsic value is further emphasized in Psalm 139:14, where the psalmist proclaims, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Such passages remind us that our worth is not based on our achievements or the opinions of others but is rooted in our very creation by a loving God who cherishes each one of us.

Moreover, God’s love for us is profoundly demonstrated through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. In John 3:16, we learn that “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” This act of love underscores our value in God’s eyes as He was willing to sacrifice His Son for our redemption. Furthermore, in Romans 5:8, it states, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” These scriptures together affirm that we are not only created with value but are also loved unconditionally by God, enhancing our sense of self-worth and purpose.

Self confidence is not a sin.

A false religious mindset often miscommunicates that having self confidence is sinfully egotistical. It suggests instead that we should rely solely on external divine validation. This is not what the Apostle Paul was referring to when he wrote ‘put no confidence in the flesh’. [Phil. 3:3] In that text, Paul was referring to the doctrine of circumcision being the means of entering covenant with God. He was not suggesting that we develop a poor self image or have no self esteem.

This kind of misinformed thinking can lead to a detrimental belief that our self-worth is contingent upon pleasing God, rather than recognizing our inherent value and capabilities. These teachings make pleasing God a contingency for salvation and suggest we need to earn God’s love. Nothing can be further from the truth.

But Isn’t that Pride? And Isn’t Pride Bad?

Pride, as condemned in the Bible, often manifests as arrogance and a self-serving attitude that elevates one’s own importance above others and above God, leading to a disconnect from humility and a reliance on one’s strengths rather than divine grace. This form of pride fosters a competitive spirit and can result in harmful behaviors and relationships, encouraging a false sense of superiority that blinds individuals to their shortcomings. It can create barriers between people, as prideful individuals may struggle to recognize the value of collaboration and mutual respect. Rather than fostering connections, this attitude breeds isolation and resentment, causing rifts in friendships and families.

Additionally, it diminishes one’s ability to empathize with others, as self-absorption takes precedence over genuine concern for the well-being of those around them. That kind of pride is more closely related to narcissism, where the individual’s perception of themselves is inflated to the point of disregarding the feelings and experiences of others, ultimately leading to a cycle of loneliness and dissatisfaction. Narcissism and self confidence are not the same thing.

In contrast, a healthy form of pride is rooted in self-acceptance and recognition of one’s worth and abilities, allowing individuals to appreciate their unique gifts and contributions without diminishing the value of others. This positive pride promotes confidence and resilience, enabling individuals to pursue their goals, celebrate their achievements, and cultivate meaningful connections grounded in mutual respect and understanding, ultimately reflecting a balanced perspective on self-value in alignment with humility.

A False Religious Mindset Discourages Personal Growth

In religious cultures that propogate the notion that self confidence as sin, individuals grapple with the constant anxiety of not living up to unrealistic expectations imposed upon them. Moreover, this mindset discourages personal growth and self-discovery, as it positions external validation above internal understanding and self-acceptance.

Instead, it is essential to cultivate a sense of confidence that is rooted in our unique qualities and talents. Self confidence enables us to embrace our identities fully while still being open to spiritual connections that uplift rather than diminish our sense of self.

Self Confidence is Foundational to Resilience.

Put another way, God doesn’t strip us of our self esteem and self worth. He builds it up. He encourages us to fulfill our destiny and become all that we can be. We can only do that if we have a proper sense of our true identity. We cannot develop endurance or resilience unless we have a foundation secure in the loving nature of God, as well as, a solid sense of our own self worth.

Resilience

Resilience is a powerful quality that empowers us to embrace the complexities of life, especially when faced with challenges. It’s not just about bouncing back. It’s more about adapting and growing stronger through our experiences. It’s about having the ability to overcome in the midst of life’s struggles. Confidence in our ability to get through those struggles is what makes us resilient. It is confidence that empowers us to persevere when under trial. And yes, we need confidence in God. I have come to realize that if I don’t have confidence in myself as well as in God I simply don’t believe I can overcome.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

I was saved but my life was a mess.

I read my bible every day. I spent countless hours in prayer. I fasted. I prayed. I cried out to God. I was at church every time the doors opened but for some reason nothing in my life was a wreck. I couldn’t cope. Other people seemed to be okay. But I did not.

I was always disappointed in the outcome of everything in my life. It didn’t matter if it was doing the dishes or writing a paper for college. I obsessed over every assignment. If I didn’t get an ‘A’, I saw myself as a failure. Nothing was ever good enough.

No matter what, what I did was never good. I was never good enough. It didn’t matter how much praise or appreciation others showed it didn’t fill the void. And it didn’t make a dent in what I thought about myself. Nothing ever seemed to have a lasting effect.

I absolutely could not take any kind of correction or criticism no matter how well meaning or helpful the information might have been. It didn’t seem constructive. It just confirmed to me that I wasn’t good enough. But that began to change when I got serious and sought help with the internal work necessary for recovery from codependency.

Codependency is a behavioral condition characterized by a reliance on others for emotional support and self-worth, often leading to unhealthy relationships. Individuals who are codependent typically prioritize the needs of others over their own, resulting in a lack of boundaries and an inability to maintain a balanced sense of self. This may manifest as excessive caretaking, controlling behaviors, or a fear of abandonment. Codependency can hinder personal growth and contribute to feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem, and emotional distress. Addressing codependency often involves recognizing unhealthy patterns, setting boundaries, and developing a stronger sense of self-identity.

A Classic Story

Yeah, I was a classic codependent. I desperately needed affirmation from others to keep me going. And that was hard work. It meant I was always striving to please others rather than finding satisfaction in my own life. I needed constant validation. I wouldn’t admit that I was falling apart all the time. And it was usually over small insignificant stuff. Someone gave me a look I interpretted as negative. Or I didn’t get the job I applied for. It didn’t even have to be real. Usually, it was something made up in my head. Like I said, I was a mess.

Because of the unhealthy mindset embedded in me I was unable to manage my emotions or survive in the challenges I was facing. The thought of thriving wasn’t even a slight hope.

When I found myself married to an abusive alcoholic and had four children by the time I was thirty. I was breaking down for the umpteenth time. This time when someone suggested Alanon, I went. But, I don’t know but for whatever reason, it wasn’t for me. However, as I was walking out the door, a woman approached me and suggested a CoDA [Codependents Anonymous] meeting might be more suitable for me. She even offered to accompany me. I don’t know why but I took her up on the offer.

The meeting started with reading the twelve steps of recovery. The first step was to admit that you are powerless over your codependency and that your life has become unmanageable. The last thing I wanted to do was admit that my life was completely unmanageable. To admit that I was powerless set me on edge. But after listening to one story after another I had to admit these people seemed to have something I was longing for, confidence. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted to not feel like I was always on some emotional roller coaster. I wanted the insanity of it all to stop. I had tried to control my husband’s drinking. No matter what I did it failed.

One woman whose situation wasn’t much different than mine made a statement that pushed me completely over the edge. She said, “When I finally stopped looking at my husband’s drinking as my problem and started looking at myself I felt freedom for the first time.” Wow! That really hit me.

The more she talked, the more hope that life could be different seeped in. By the time I left that meeting my head was spinning. I had been confronted head on with the reality that my life sucked, and I was the only one who had the power to do anything about it. My husband’s drinking wasn’t my problem. It was his. My problem was anxiety and depression stemming from a lack of self worth. That was my aha moment. A light went on.

I made a decision. I wanted out of the insanity. I wanted out of the crippling fear that had held me captive. I wanted to feel good about my life. But more than that I wanted to thrive. And I saw the possiblity of that for the first time. This journey or recovery seemed to be the door I needed to walk through in order for that to happen. That was over thiry five years ago. And I will never regret that first step.

But you might be asking what does this have to do with resilience, endurance and confidence. For me, EVERYTHING! And maybe for some of you too.

Codependent tendencies can significantly hinder our confidence by fostering a reliance on external validation. Individuals who struggle with codependency often seek approval from others, which can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth. When our self-esteem is contingent on how others perceive us, we may become overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt. This constant need for affirmation sabotages our ability to trust in our own abilities, stifling the growth that comes out of genuine confidence.

It undermines our ability to persevere

Codependency undermines endurance by promoting a fear of conflict and an reluctance to setting boundaries. In the pursuit of pleasing others, we may neglect our own needs, leading to feelings of exhaustion and frustration. This lack of self-care can make it challenging to endure challenging situations, as we are more focused on maintaining harmony at the expense of our well-being. Without the courage to confront difficulties head-on, our resilience diminishes, leaving us less equipped to handle life’s inevitable obstacles.

Finally, the cycle of codependency can erode our capacity for resilience. By prioritizing the needs of others over our own, we may find ourselves feeling trapped and powerless in our circumstances. This inability to recognize our own strengths and take ownership of our lives can lead to feelings of helplessness in the face of adversity. Resilience thrives on the ability to adapt and recover; however, when we are mired in codependent behaviors, we may struggle to develop the skills necessary to navigate life’s challenges effectively.

Resilience thrives on our ability to adapt and recover

1. Coping with Adversity: Resilience helps us face challenges and setbacks more effectively. It enables us to bounce back from difficulties and learn from our experiences.
2. Mental Health: A resilient mindset can protect against stress, anxiety, and depression. It promotes emotional well-being and helps us maintain a positive outlook even during tough times.
3. Adaptability: Resilient people are often more adaptable to change. They can navigate life’s transitions and uncertainties with greater ease, allowing us to thrive in a variety of situations.
4. Goal Achievement & Personal Growth: Resilience fosters perseverance. It encourages us to pursue our goals despite obstacles, ultimately leading to success and personal growth.
5. Stronger Relationships: Resilience can improve interpersonal relationships. Resilient individuals are usually better at communicating, solving problems, and supporting others, which strengthens social bonds.
6. Increased Confidence: Successfully overcoming hardships builds self-esteem and confidence. This self-assurance can motivate individuals to take on new challenges and expand their horizons.

The Braid of Confidence, Resilience and Endurance

Confidence, resilience, and endurance intertwine like a three-strand cord, each contributing strength and support; confidence provides the belief needed to take risks, (have faith) allowing individuals to pursue opportunities that might otherwise seem daunting. Resilience equips us to bounce back from challenges, instilling a mindset that views setbacks as mere stepping stones on the path to success, rather than insurmountable barriers. (the strength of hope) Endurance fosters the ability to persevere through tough times, cultivating patience and tenacity that lead to personal growth and development. (the ability to not grow weary in well doing)

Together, confidence, resilience and endurance create an unbreakable bond that empowers individuals to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals, inspiring not only themselves but also those around them to strive for greatness, because when these qualities are deeply embedded in our character, we are more capable of facing life’s trials with unwavering strength and determination.

When life is offering you a challenging adventure and you find yourself in a game of tug of war, remember that confidence, resilience, and endurance are your greatest allies in overcoming any obstacle. In times of struggle, it is essential to connect with your inner strength and trust in your abilities. By harnessing your confidence, you can stand tall against challenges, while resilience empowers you to bounce back from setbacks, gaining invaluable insights along the way. Endurance allows you to keep moving forward, even when the path seems daunting. Embrace each struggle as a wonderful opportunity for growth, knowing that with every challenge you face, you become stronger and more adept at navigating the exciting journey of life.

Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. ~ Romans 5:3–5 NET

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” ~ James 1:12

Do not, therefore, fling away your [fearless] confidence, for it has a glorious and great reward. For you have need of patient endurance [to bear up under difficult circumstances without compromising], so that when you have carried out the will of God, you may receive and enjoy to the full what is promised. Hebrews 10:35-36 AMP

In navigating the intricate journey of life, the intertwined qualities of confidence, resilience, and endurance serve as essential pillars for personal growth and fulfillment. Recognizing our inherent value as children of God empowers us to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth that can stand unaffected by external validation. By addressing codependency and fostering a healthy self-image, we can break free from the constraints of seeking approval from others, thus enhancing our resilience and capacity to face life’s challenges head-on.

As we embrace our identities and nurture our strengths, we become better equipped to adapt and recover from adversity. This journey is not merely about rebounding from hardships; it’s about gaining wisdom and adapting courageously through experiences.

Ultimately, by cultivating a supportive environment for ourselves and others, we not only enhance our own resilience but also inspire those around us to seek a life marked by confidence, endurance, and hope. in doing so we are empowered to confront life’s trials with unwavering spirit, ready to thrive in every situation we encounter.

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More Info and Resources

Signs of Codependency

Identifying codependency can be crucial for personal growth and healthier relationships. Here are some common signs:

1. Excessive People-Pleasing: A constant need to please others, often at the expense of your own needs and desires.
2. Low Self-Esteem: A negative self-image and lack of self-worth, often reliant on external validation from others.
3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Struggling to say no, often feeling guilty or anxious about asserting personal boundaries.
4. Fear of Abandonment: An overwhelming fear that others will leave you, leading to anxiety and clinginess in relationships.
5. Caretaking Behaviors: A pattern of taking care of others’ needs to feel valued, often sacrificing your own well-being.
6. Avoiding Conflict: A strong aversion to disagreements, leading to suppressing feelings or avoiding discussing important issues.
7. Feeling Responsible for Others: Believing it is your job to “fix” or manage the emotions and problems of those around you.
8. Neglecting Personal Needs: A tendency to overlook your own physical, emotional, and mental health in favor of someone else’s needs.
9. Addictive Behaviors: Engaging in unhealthy relationships or behaviors, such as substance abuse, as a means of coping with emotional pain.
10. Lack of Personal Identity: Difficulty in defining who you are independently, often feeling lost without the presence of others.

Recognizing these signs can be the first step towards healing and establishing healthier relationships.

Steps to Overcoming Codependency

Breaking free from codependency involves four core steps: cultivating self-awareness to recognize patterns, setting firm boundaries to protect your needs, building self-esteem and rediscovering your own identity/hobbies, and practicing self-care to nurture your well-being, often with support from therapy or groups like CoDA. These steps shift focus from controlling or fixing others to caring for yourself, fostering healthier, more balanced relationships.
Here’s a breakdown of the steps:

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness: Recognize your codependent behaviors, like people-pleasing or feeling responsible for others’ emotions, and understand the underlying fears (e.g., fear of rejection).
2. Establish Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say “no,” define your limits, and separate your feelings and responsibilities from others’.
3. Build Self-Esteem & Identity: Reconnect with your own passions, goals, and values; realize your worth isn’t based on others’ approval.
4. Practice Self-Care & Self-Compassion: Prioritize activities that nourish you (exercise, hobbies, rest) and treat yourself with kindness, like you would a friend.

Key Actions & Support:

• Seek Support: Therapy and groups like Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) offer tools and community.
• Stop Fixing: Allow others to handle their own problems and consequences.
• Communicate: Practice honesty and assert your needs in relationships.

These resources can provide valuable support and guidance for anyone looking to address and overcome codependency.

Some Current Resources

Current resources for codependency include 12-step programs like Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Al-Anon, crucial self-help books (e.g., Melody Beattie, Nedra Glover Tewwab), therapy (CBT, IFS, Group), and digital platforms offering articles, worksheets, and support for boundary setting and self-care. These resources focus on building self-esteem, establishing healthy boundaries, finding peer support, and understanding patterns through education and practice.

Support Groups & 12-Step Programs

• Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA): Offers free, in-person and online meetings using a 12-step model for peer support.
• Al-Anon/ Nar-Anon: For families and friends affected by addiction, focusing on self-recovery.
• CoDAteen: A safe space for teenagers dealing with codependency.

Key Books & Literature

• Codependent No More & Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie.
• Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tewwab (CBT-based).
• The Codependency Recovery Plan by Krystal Mazzola.
• Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, PhD.
• CoDA offers free downloadable pamphlets on their website.
• The Let Them Theory: Mel Robbins

Therapy & Professional Help

• Individual Therapy: CBT, Schema Therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS) to reframe beliefs and manage emotions.
• Group Therapy: Shared experiences reduce shame and build skills.
• Family Counseling: To rebuild dynamics.

Online & Digital Resources

• Recovery.com & StartMyWellness.com: Articles, steps, and therapist locators.
• Headspace: Content on self-compassion and therapy for codependency.
• PositivePsychology.com: Explains signs, symptoms, and recovery worksheets.

Core Strategies & Tools

• Boundary Setting: Essential skill for saying “no”.
• Self-Care: Activities to build self-esteem and self-worth.
• Self-Compassion: Managing difficult emotions without judgment.
• Identity Rebuilding: Moving beyond caretaker roles.