Going into this weekend I want to take the opportunity to wish everyone a Happy and safe Fourth of July. I know that June 21st is the official first day of summer, but, July 4th seems to be the day that really kicks things off. Family, friends and fireworks are the order of the day. I don’t know about you but I love all the festivities.
I love summer, even though my allergies protest. I love the corn on the cob, blueberry pie and burgers on the grill. Being on a special needs diet the only thing on that list I can have are the blueberries. I don’t mind not eating the foods I love. What I do mind this year is not being able to spend the day with my family and friends. I’m homesick.
I have to admit that I miss my life in Illinois. I miss grabbing the lawn chairs to watch the annual home town parade. Yes, they have home town parades in Virginia. But what they don’t have is the antique model-T my step dad’s father used to drive in the parade. This hometown isn’t my hometown. That’s the difference. How am I coping? I’m writing about it in my blog.
So, what am I doing this year? I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose. I am still caring for my 95, soon to be 96 year old, stepmom. Dad passed in May of 2020. We are trying to keep her in her home as long as possible. It’s been a tough year for both of us. It was a suddenly I didn’t expect. It was a life changing event that has suspended what I deem ‘my real life‘ for an undetermined amount of time. Yikes!
In May I made a trip back to Illinois for about a week. All that did was remind me how much I miss my home. This is a change I didn’t plan for. It’s a change I didn’t expect. Nevertheless, here. And, I am in limbo. And yes, limbo sometimes sucks.
It’s not awful. But it’s not great either. It’s just limbo. I’m not where I was, but I’m also not where I’m going. When our lives are in limbo life can become bewildering. Limbo has the potential to throw one off kilter. The trick is keeping your balance when you feel off balance. It isn’t easy.
When life is in limbo it can feel like you’re on one of those spinny rides at the amusement park. Vision gets blurry. It can seem like you can’t fix your sites on anything. It can be unsettling. I like life stability. I like the security of knowing what is coming. I don’t particularly like it when I don’t.
Sometimes we look to the prophetic hoping to get some sense of security. But our security shouldn’t rest on a prophetic word. Security is a byproduct of our relationship with Christ. It comes from knowing no matter what happens, or doesn’t happen, I can count of God to lead me and guide me in the way I should go. Our ability to trust the Lord is developed over years. It doesn’t just happen overnight. It grows and strengthens with every insecure situation we find ourselves in. When we bring our insecurity to the Lord and commit our fears into His very capable hands, He imparts to us a little bit more faith, security and the ability to trust.
Even though I would love to be spending this weekend with my sister, my sons, a picnic and some fireworks, I can trust that God has put me here for a purpose. It might sound real noble that I made the sacrifice to come and stay with my step mom for an indeterminate time. Believe me I am here out of obedience.
At the same time, I know the value of obedience. I know that IF I follow the counsel of the Lord, HE will lead me along the path HE has planned for me. And His plan is always infused with amazing blessings we might not have found otherwise. It isn’t that I don’t trust my own judgment. I do. I just know that when I follow His leading there is always a blessing in it that I didn’t expect.
So, while I didn’t expect the life shift that hurled me to Virginia last year, I also didn’t expect to receive the incredible blessing that has come out of building relationship with my step mom in the way I have. Sometimes I have to look hard to find the blessing. But you know what? There is always one there. So, okay, I don’t get to go to see the fireworks and I’ll miss another family gathering.
Yes, my life is in limbo. It’s in transition. That’s the dalet, moving me from one state of being to another.
Wherever you are, whatever you have planned this weekend I pray that you will see and experience the blessing in whatever circumstances you happen to be in. I pray that the Lord will lead you and guide you in the way that you should go.
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